One more week

Exactly 7 days until I am in Charlottesville. I survived 88 days of Manassas, and I'm ready to be done.

Now the nerves are setting in. I haven't practiced. I need to practice. Maybe I should practice. Maybe I should think about packing. Maybe I should sit on my computer and play solitaire for 2 hours. I don't want to deal with all the hectic preparations. I just want to get there, get settled in, and have the time of my life.

And I want to see my freaking boyfriend. :)

My lips are like 90% better now! I went to my 3rd doctor and got my 4th medicine, which seems to be doing the trick. About time. I may even survive band camp.

My birthday was wonderful. :) Thanks for spending it with me. You, David, and Randall are really my best friends. 19!

Heart breaking

So, no doubt you've heard about that crazy SWAT team barricade that happened in Manassas yesterday and today. If not:

http://www2.insidenova.com/isn/news/crime/article/standoff_ends_gunman_dead/61452/

I read it on some facebook statuses last night and didn't really care. This morning, I went to read the actual story. My train of thought was as follows:

"Carlson? I knew a guy with that last name. 20 year old son named Josh... Holy shit."

Then I picked up my phone, sent out a text, and immediately got confirmation.

"He's not a bad guy, I swear!"

Josh Carlson was one of my closest friends in middle school. I met him through Punzi, and he was sort of my counselor, since I was whiney and emo in 8th grade. I would listen to his stories too, mostly revolving around his father and his painful home life. We lost contact after he moved, but somehow we always came back into contact. At the beginning of this summer he got my number again from someone, and we started communicating. We started our friendship again, and it was really nice. He looks so tough and he's had a hard time, but he's one of the sweetest guys I know.

And then I read that article and my heart stopped. I talked to him for awhile this morning. He was tired. He hadn't slept in 30 hours. He wanted the media to stop hounding on him. And now the most recent update... I can't even imagine. He just started replying again, and now I'm going to go be there for him.

Hahaha. Fine. Maybe it wasn't the worst, but it was pretty bad. My time to sign up for classes the second day was like at 4, and my dad wasn't coming until around then, so I just pathetically sat in my room listening to Taylor Swift. And yes, Hereford is SUCH a hike.

I'm thinking about applying to be an orientation leader next year. Charlottesville all summer, getting paid? Um, yes please.

WHAT CLASSES DID YE GET?

Are you oriented?

I hope orientation went okay.

Is now an acceptable time to mention that it might have been one of the worst times of my life? Hopefully UVA stepped up their game, because it really sucked last year.

Tell me all about it.

Life is boring. Amazing and perfect, but boring.

21 days until camp. Only 3 more weekends. That is ridiculous. Also pretty terrifying. There's so much crap I need to organize and figure out. Need to practice the mellophone (spell check doesn't recognize mellophone as an actual word. Neither do I, spell check, neither do I) desperately, but want my lips to get completely better. So instead I'll pretend that my depart is still very far away. That's a good option, right?

I had lunch with Kat yesterday. It was good. We talked about boyfriends and band, like we normally do. Haha.

Speaking of boyfriends, I have one. :) I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, because we've basically been together since the beginning of May, but it still just feels so different. We were sort of together, but we both knew we actually weren't. In short we should have been "it's complicated" on facebook. We were planning on waiting until August, but our dates were just so perfect and right that I couldn't not say yes when he asked.

And now it's on facebook, with likes from at least half of the CMB. Not to mention Jacob got a message from one of the directors. Our band is so weird.

I have a lot to look forward to in 21 days. :)

Boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend.

Ugh

My lips have been acting up all summer. I just figured I was vitamin deficient and went on my merry way. Doctor thought so at first too. Then on Friday I decided to practice the mellophone for awhile, and my lips completely freaked out and turned bright red everywhere.

Now the doctor thinks I have a staph infection. Wtf. Now I'm on some crazy medication that I'm only supposed to use twice a day but I'm wearing constantly so it'll go away faster.

Good timing, lips. I only have to drive to Charlottesville to see the boy I like a lot tomorrow.

So much for kissing. :P

THIS POST IS NOT COHESIVE ENOUGH FOR A TITLE

YOU'RE ALIVE! :D Stop being a hermit, my friend. You only have a month left in Manassas! Hope you're getting started on all of that college shopping. :)

I'm glad you're back from the beach. We need to hang out pronto. I think David was planning a swimming date this weekend. You best not be busy.


My hair is being stupid. I really liked it the first few days, but now it's just being impossible. The bottom of it still wants to be curly, which is just making it look dumb. It should be manageable by the time school comes around. At least it's short enough to keep in a bun. Boo. I think I'd like it a lot if I didn't still semi have a perm, and with fine hair I'm sort of doomed to a life with short hair.

I went to the doctors today and got blood drawn. No passing out on babies, luckily. Didn't even pass out. Just did my normal, "I can not move do not make me move" deal. Shaking, cold sweats- the usual. Doctors are horrible and only cause you harm. :(

Too bad you didn't bump into us. I showed him all the spectacular sites: "LOOK. THERE IS A CABOOSE IN OLD TOWN. LETS GO STAND ON IT". It was wonderful, and I wish it could have lasted more then a couple hours. But I'll driving down to Charlottesville in 4 short days. Only problem with those 4 days is that I have zero ways to talk to him.

I love babies too much, Sarah. I can't stop watching baby shows. Baby shows and wedding shows. At one point I was flipping back and forth between "Whose Wedding is is Anyway" and "Say Yes to the Dress", and realized that I was sort of pathetic.

I'm okay with this.

Oh, okay.

You disappeared from the world, Sarah Clements. I am not okay with this.

Today was perfect. Good to know.

Wait, what?

So. Jacob is going to be in Manassas tomorrow.

What?!?!

That is crazy and completely unexpected. I knew I was going to see him in Cville on Monday, but yesterday he was all, "Oh, I'll just take a detour to Manassas on my drive from Ohio and see you on Wednesday" (He never said those actual words in that order. I am lying. But you get the point).



I am completely ecstatic, of course. I haven't seen him in 64 days, and in those 2 months he's become one of my very best friends. There's just so much riding on this date. I hope we're as perfect in person as we are over the phone.

Commence flipping out. Ready, go.

On an unrelated note, my mom bought a box of those freeze-pop things and I can't stop eating them. Luckily they're the mini kind and only have 20 calories.

Exactly one month until band camp. I guess I should actually start shopping and planning for back to school packing. Maybe order some textbooks.

I love life. and freeze pops.

And you. <3

I've gotten attached to including pictures in my posts. Here is a flipping awesome giant squid cake.

When did the giant squid become my thing? That is an entirely random animal to associate myself with.

Sometimes Emily Makes Sudden Decisions

So much for the whole, "I'm going to let my hair grow out thing!" Enjoy this heavily unattractive picture of me.

Memory lane

Yesterday I hung out with the band crew for the first time in awhile. Melissa texted me earlier in the day inviting me bowling, and I immediately agreed. It just screamed high school. "Hey guys, what do you want to do tonight?" "I don't know. Let's go bowling again."

The group consisted of me, David Jung, David Thompson (who I haven't seen in almost a year and have missed horribly), CHUK, Tyler, Melissa, Cassie, and Katie. It was so much fun, and it really felt like life before college (and even before Christian). Inside jokes were rehashed and much laughter ensued. I was greeted with cries of "ABLAFLEM" and didn't even flinch when David excitedly screamed, "PRIVATE FIRECROTCH" as he typed "FC" as my bowling name. That nickname is never going to go away, and at this point I don't even mind. He'll always be the Captain Fancypants to my Private FC. At every ridiculous moment I couldn't help but think, "Hey, this is sort of my family". David Jung- the gay best friend whom I feel comfortable enough to inappropriately touch and notify when his butt is sweaty. David Thompson- my personal teddy bear and my big black body guard. I remember so many late nights walking in between the two of them and feeling safe on the sketchy Manassas streets. Chuk Li- someone I've missed more then I've realized, and I'm glad we're okay after a long falling out. Melissa- one of the few people I decided was worth keeping after graduation (you made the cut too, Sarahtonin). Tyler- the guy who once saved me from death by lacrosse ball and informs me whenever I say something remotely dirty sounding. And me- the bubbly girl who climbs all over everyone, has silly dance moves, and also doubles as mom whenever the situation requires.

I've relaxed a lot since last year, though. If the boys want to stack all the music stands in the band room, I'm not going to yell at them (true story). If they want to run around like children and steal each others turns, so be it. They're sort of my hyperactive children. I can't tell you how many times I got up to bowl only to have a David run up and throw a ball before me. Or having them steal the ball from me as I go to throw it, causing me to scream very loudly.

Basically, the night was really nostalgic and just filled me with so much happiness. It brought me back to the weekends of my senior year- Tony's for pizza, bowling, ghettoplex for a movie. Or sectionals during band camp, when I never actually wanted to do real work and would instead go crash the low brass sectional in the orchestra office. I'd sit and tell secrets with David and Tyler. Tyler would try to lie down with his sousaphone on and fall off the table. Or when I'd stand on the top of the stool during dismissal because I couldn't keep a straight face with David Jung and Chuk bellowing in my face. See? So much nostalgia. I feel guilty that I hadn't remembered these people when I've been moping around the house this summer. They're the people that have been around the longest, and the people I never want to forget.

On the ferry to Ellis Island. I like this because they are all sitting on me, and shortly after Sieloff screamed, "CHUK. STOP GYRATING ON EMILY"

Outside of Rockefeller Tower, after I had conquered my fears.

A very typical David sandwich

Annoying everyone else on the bus with our sing a longs.

Bowling last year. Of course.

They're my family, and while the CMB is great, it can never ever replace my days as a screaming eagle.

You wrote and now I want to write.

This time next month I'll be packing. While packing stinks, this prospect is highly exciting. I miss Charlottesville. I miss UVA and I miss Thomas Jefferson and I miss being social every day. When left in isolation like I am now, I tend to forget there's any other way of life.

I predict a massive load of stress for 1st semester. I'm taking the normal course load along with Wind Ensemble and marching band, leaving me a very small minimal amount of free time to do unimportant things, such as homework. I also predict a ton of fun, though. I'm very ready to be reunited with KKPsi. My class got so freakishly close and I still have that group mentality going on. I don't think I mentioned it here, but I got on the committee I wanted (There are 4- Membership, Social, Fundraising, and Service). I'm on membership, so I'll get to help plan exciting things like rush. :) At this point there's pretty much a 100% chance that I will have a boyfriend, which will be exciting. There's a risk I may turn into that girl who drops all her other friends to hang out with her boyfriend all the time. Sarah Clements, if that happens, it is your job to break into my suite, put a pillow case over my head, and... I don't know where I was going with this. But it's your job, so don't let me down.

Work is going dandy.Yesterday when I was setting a display, the glass bottom of one the bottles just fell off, drenching me in its contents- which happened to be "sensual lotion for romance". I found the situation humorous afterward, but not when I had to mop it off my bright pink apron. Heavy lifting is also giving me arm muscles. I do not know how I feel about it. I had previously accepted the fact that my activities would only add to my man calves and I would never have upper body strength. I can't have man calves AND man calves.

2 years since gov school. Last year on facebook everyone posted emotional statuses. Haven't heard a thing this year, but I know it's not from a lack of appreciation. An experience like that is with you forever (ANNE MARIE'S DOUBLE D'S. THE MONKEY WILL EAT YOUR FACE. I WANNA MAKE LOVE IN THIS FOREST RIDE). <3

The 4th of July was an experience. Randal, Noelle, a bunch of Jay's drunken friends, and McCluskey (lolwut) came over and we demolished a bushel of crabs. So barbaric. Then I milled about town with Randall and Noelle and we ended up at the Old Town fireworks. The most exciting moment happened about 5 minutes into the show, when the fireworks suddenly stopped, all the firetrucks lit up and rushed to the school. OMG OSBOURN WAS BURNING DOWN, OR SOMEONE HAD EXPLODED. Everyone was confused for like 20 minutes. Turns out some grass just caught on fire, and eventually the show resumed. We preferred to believe that someone had exploded though, so the final half of the show became a memorial for Bill in our minds- the brave firework man who lost his life.

It is 100 degrees here. I am not okay with this. Not planning on leaving my house at all today.

Kay. Random entry over. Luff yew, hottie pants.

Because I know you missed looking at me

It is ridiculously hard to post in summer when nothing is going on.

I think a date is in order when you get back from the beach. Let's don our ski masks and go vandalize things, like we normally do (or maybe just you, Miss I Like Hitting Parked Cars). I am excruciatingly bored. There are only so many hours I can spend playing bubble shooter and losing. Most days I have the dignity to shower and put on pants. Some days I even put in contacts and wear makeup so I can pretend that someone might see me on the off chance I step out of the house. But EVERY day I convince myself there is a murderer in the basement and I am going to die so the only natural thing to do is cower in the corner of the side room with my decrepit dogs around me. But I have officially survived over half of summer. 44 days until band and 14 days until I can see Jacob, who needs a nickname for when I write about him so I feel like more of a badass. Any suggestions?

If I was a furry, I'd want to be a sea lion.

I'm really only writing this because I like doing things while I sing along loudly to my iPod. It is currently Far Away by Ingrid Michealson. I like this song because it has a brief mention of redheaded babies, which I really want.

I will live my life as a lobstermen's wife on an island in the blue bay.

He will take care of me. He will smell like the sea.
And close to my heart he'll always stay.
I will bear three girls, all with strawberry curls.
Little Ela and Nellie and Fay (what horrible names, Ingrid)

While I'm combing their hair I will catch his warm stare on our island in the blue bay.

I hope vacation is fun. I hope your molester cousin isn't there (this story still confuses the hell out of me). I hope you're not getting too sunburnt. I hope you found a hottie to romantically skip around the beach with.

Also, Knife Fight just came on shuffle, and it made me miss you immensely. It also possessed me to do this.

(Those are my tickle claws of death. Also, the bunny ears were necessary)

(Squuidy doesn't have a name. He needs one)

You're welcome.

On an unrelated note, read this blog because it is hilarious and made me want to wet my pants laughing on more then one occasion: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

Today is a good day.

I got to sleep before 4. Jacob called me to wake me up at 9:30 (best alarm clock ever). I am eating delicious Key Lime Pie yogurt that is only 100 calories.

Yesterday I drove to Charlottesville with my dad to prove that I could without dying. Now I'm definitely allowed to drive down alone in the middle of July to have a date with a certain boy.

I like it when life goes my way.

My posts never have structure

You're in Charlottesville, and I'm jealous. I know it's overwhelming and I know you probably wanna crawl into a hole and die. Been there, done that. Hold on and update me as soon as possible.

I have nothing of actual importance to write about. My problems are very trivial. Let me tell you about them.

I wanna change my hair. Tell me what to do, Sarah. I haven't let it assume it's natural state in like 4 years, and it's recently started rebelling against me. The plan for the moment is to stop torturing it before it all falls out and let it go straight again. That'll probably change the second winter hits and the static hair from hell returns. We'll see.

I think I like sports. I had a million heart attacks watching the USA v. Ghana game.

I feel like my entire wardrobe is currently consisted of orange t-shirts. I want to go shopping.

My birthday is a little over a month away. It's on a Tuesday, so I'll probably spend it home alone. I don't like birthdays. I thought last year's was going to be good. Christian and I spent the best day together and you, Randall, and Kat came over and it was fun. Then the biggest fight in the history of my household erupted and I ended up locked in my room without a computer and phone for like a week. Boo birthdays. Boo 19 especially. Could an age be more pointless? Weird to think I'm almost not a teenager.

Katlin broke her arm skateboarding. Wtf. Katlin skateboards? News to me. Oh well. Means she isn't able to work at Bath and Body for awhile, so I won't have to deal with running into her. Sounds good to me.

I love my new purse. Too bad it doesn't match with my plethora of orange t-shirts.

I'm out of razors and I need to shave. But I know I'm not about to complain about leg hair, so I'll keep quiet.

I miss Jacob every second of every day.

The horns are planning a day at Busch Gardens, but I don't have a ride down, so I think I'm going to have to opt out. Luckily KKPsi is having a Kings Dominion day in August

But now I'm just whining for the sake of whining.

Love you, gurl. Hope your toenail is growing back nicely.

Tata Jesus is bangala!

Ever get the urge to just write? That's me at this instant.

I don't know if you're aware that I've kept an actual journal religiously throughout high school, but I have. I should be writing in that right now, since I haven't since June 9th. But I don't want to. Because that entry will have to be serious and sad. I'm tired of being sad. I want to be happy, dammit. Isn't that the point of summer? Why would I exchange relaxation for stress?

Oh right, because Manassas sucks. *negative*

I just finished rereading Poisonwood Bible. I'm pretty sure that it's my favorite book of all time. I find myself stopping every page to think about the symbolism and how everything ties together. Kaminsky taught me well.

"To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know."

Now I need to find another book to occupy my time. Maybe I'll reread A Thousand Splendid Suns, which may be my second favorite. Apparently I like stories of women in peril... Or maybe I'll read Harry Potter, because sometimes you just need that sort of friend: the one who's always been there.

I can't wait to see Toy Story with you tomorrow. :)

I hope pre-camp goes alright. I don't know anything much about the drum line director. Fingers crossed.

Blogging is fun. I like it. Now onto the real journal...

Letting go. Moving on.

Some things just seem impossible to let go of.

I think I'm correct in saying that my friendship with Katlin has finally met it's demise. Writing that's hard. It makes it feel more concrete.We've been through a lot in the past couple of years. I've been clinging to the last strand of our friendship with everything I had, but a girl can only go through so much heartbreak. That's the only way I can describe this. I'm heartbroken- 10 times harder then anything I had to go through with Christian, which is saying something. But we've been through so much shit these past years that I feel numb to it now. I probably lost my best friend a lot earlier then I'd like to realize.

It started with a boyfriend, it escalated to one-sided neglect. Along came another boyfriend, and the neglect became mutual. Things exploded when I backed out of vacation plans last summer. That was my fault. An awkward few months of small talk and anger. An uncomfortable lunch date over winter break. I thought things were perfect again when she came down to spend the weekend with me. We told girly secrets, ate too much food, and fell asleep in close proximity- just like old times. By summer I was positive we were on the mend. Definite plans to go to Florida. Harry Potter World was our thing. We'd been planning that trip since we first learned about the park so many years ago. Then she asks me if her other friend can come, too. A friend she knows I don't get along with. The friend she knows I see as competition, no matter how hard I try not too. I try giving honesty a shot, and say no, I'd rather her friend didn't go. She gets mad, and suddenly the trip is canceled and I'm left confused. Turns out she had already invited the friend. Her mom didn't want drama and nixed the road trip. I was pinned as the bad guy. I was set up. dammit, and I'm not okay with that. I've never been so angry. I'm done.

I've been holding on. I've been holding on so tightly, but if it's mutual then I'm letting go. It's silly to cling to someone because of our past relationship. We're not the same people. She's not the girl I met in 6th grade and consequently spent every waking moment with for 7 years. The only person that's in every memory from my teenage years. Katlin IS my adolescence, as cheesy as that sounds. I thought she was the only friend I'd ever need. I didn't get close with anyone else. I didn't need to. I feel lost now. Completely alone. She was my other half and, though it's been a long time in coming, that's finally been ripped from me.

I've acted like it doesn't bother me. Trying to be strong. Trying to remember that I have UVA and everyone there and think of Manassas only as the place I'm stuck in for now. But I still end up sobbing every night when I think about it all. Typing this is making me shake.

Not much else to say. I'm sad, tired of spending every day alone, and ready to get back to school. 54 days.

Not obsessed. Huff. :)

Maybe infatuated.

Ugh

Long distance is rough. Missing him so much it's painful.

It'll get easier once he gets back from vacation, at least...

IMMA WRITE A POST

The air conditioning broke a couple days ago. Jacob went on vacation and probably won't have phone service. Life is rough.

Just kidding. Life is still good. :)

The job has been fun, yet stressful. The cash register terrifies me and the backroom is an abominable force to be reckoned with, but I'm surviving. Yay money!!

YOU GRADUATE SOON, SARAH CLEMENTS. YOU GOT THE SOUSA AWARD, SARAH CLEMENTS. YOU'RE GOING TO UVA, SARAH CLEMENTS. Do you know how freaking proud of you I am? You used to be some shy, pit girl I made nerdy jokes with, and you've become this awesomely successful, outgoing, and beautiful GIRL (As if you weren't a girl before, or something). So so so so so proud of you. Glad you're in my life <3 Be friends forever plz?

I found a bikini I like!!!! I got a job!!!! I get to see Jacob in July!!!!

So basically, life is good.

Emily with an update.

So I hear from the facebook that this is your last Monday ever. :) That must be pretty freaking exciting.

Things I love right now:
-This video: Hey Molly- A Geeky Love Song
-Elton John
-Drinking 3 cups of tea a day
-Rereading Half Blood Prince
-Texting a boy who doesn't freak out when I tell them that I want 19 babies. (I don't.)

Things I don't love right now:
-The fact I haven't driven since January and my dad keeps forgetting to let me take the car.
-Siting around the house and feeling sorry for myself
-Bathing suit shopping. (I told myself it's now or never for a bikini, but I don't think my poor body image can  handle it)
-Not being able to find a job (I originally wrote that as "jar". No idea why)
-Buying birthday and graduation presents. So difficult. (*insert glare*)

Can't wait to see you walk across the stage at the lube. <3

I'M GOING TO THE CHORUS CONCERT TONIGHT. Will you be there? Playing da pianoz?

I hope so!

Things are swell in romanceland. Except for the whole I-won't-see-him-for-85-days thing... But we've already made it 10, so I just have to do that a little more than 8 times and we're good! Ugh.

I'm glad you approve. :) I knew you would. He's the biggest nerd ever. The role playing thing surprised me at first, but now I think it's sort of adorable. How did I manage to find a bigger nerd than me... :) This could be a very fun relationship. In all seriousness though I'm worried about not being able to keep up or feeling inadequate. He's really really really smart. I forsee him going off about 18th century literature or astrophysics or something and me just being confused. But he's sweet and nothing but kind, so I'm willing to be the stupid one in the relationship for once. :)


Living for August!

Still the same.

News travels just as fast in college band as it does at Osbourn.

Texts I have received since being "together" for less than a week:

"Hey Emily. I hear you have a new romantic interest. Truth?"

"EMILY. YOU AND JACOB?"

"A little birdie told me something..."

I love my friends. They're ridiculous.

Have an amazing senior prom, Sarah. I know it's not ideal and boys are silly, but I hope it's still magical! And if you don't have a date, that just means you can dance with all da boys! :) Stay up late, go crazy (but not too crazy). Win a mini-fridge for me.

In other news, I am ridiculously happy. I really need to stop staying up until 4 in the morning talking to him, though. ...:)

I think I can. I think I can.

I will survive. I will survive. I will survive.

I'm not coping well with this whole Manassas thing. I spent all of yesterday with Katlin and Kat, which was fun. We spent the night at Katlin's house and I guess it was okay. Things are just weird, especially with Katlin and I. We're such different people now. I was all ready to come home, but now that I'm not it feels like I'll never escape. Things would be much different if I had a car, money, or just people in general. You band kids still have school for another month, and even if I was to hang out with you guys, Christian would probably be there, and I'm not okay with that right now. My whole family works all day, so I'm just kind of sitting here alone avoiding unpacking because unpacking means I won't be leaving again.

It doesn't help that there's a certain boy I'm missing so much that it's painful. I've never had such an immediate connection with someone. On day one we were discussing the environment and Elton John in a conversion van. Day two I was calling him my best bud. Day three we were going to a band concert together. Day four we ate dinner, sat there for 2 hours, and then sat outside my dorm for 3 hours. Day five we studied together for another 5 hours. Day six we were hanging out for 6 hours- doing sporcle quizzes, reading bad bedtime stories online. On day 7 we were spending my last evening at UVA together. He took me out for thai food and we ended the night staring down the lawn from the Rotunda.

We're not in an official relationship, though we basically are.  I vowed I'd never do another long distance relationship, and here I am. 92 days.

My first year is over...?

Leaving Charlottesville may have been one of the hardest things I've ever done. Harder than leaving Gov school, even.The thought of not returning to my suite was devastating. But I guess it's comforting to know that I'll be with my band crowd again in a mere 95 days.

My first year was more than I could have ever dreamed. Advice? Don't pass up any opportunities for adventures. That's the best part of college. :)

Until next year, UVA. 

Finals Finals Finals

I may or may not have an unofficial boyfriend. I can't tell. We just met on wind ensemble tour and 5 days later I'm confused on as if I'm dating him. Ugh. Complicated. He lives in Ohio, so I certainly hope I'm not dating him. No more long distance relationships plz. He's a nerd. I wish I knew if I liked him because of him or just because I like getting attention after my wounding break up.

I leave Charlottesville in 3 days. This fact breaks my heart. August 13th, please get here fast.

Caffeine is keeping me alive. I can sleep after Saturday.

4 finals in 2 days starting tomorrow. Ready, set, go.

I love life.

I really have the best friends here. College would be nothing without them, and they're making the end of my 1st year so worthwhile. I'm definitely going to cry when I have to leave Charlottesville in exactly one week.

This weekend was the WIND ENSEMBLE TOUR, which really can't be called a tour. It consisted of us driving up to Northern Virginia on Friday, playing a concert at a high school, sleeping, waking up, driving to Maryland, doing a clinic with some elementary schoolers, and driving home. But none-the-less.

We all drove down in huge 15 person vans, and my van was entirely consisted of 1st years and Mr. Koch (the assistant director) as driver. We entitled it the "Kochmobile". Instead of going on about the trip in detail, I'll just list some specifics.

-Our directors are ridiculous testosterone driven men. Koch and Idzior thought it'd be a good idea to race to our destination. I hope you're not expecting to get here and find responsible and boring old men. Haha. But yeah. Racing through the highways of nova in 15 people vans. Terrifying, yet exhilarating. 

-The band treats us SO well. We got to our hotel only to discover LIVE SWANS swimming in MARBLE TUBS in the lobby. WHAT THE HECK. The rooms were suite style, so we had 2 plasma screens. You could even listen to the TV in the bathroom with a remote control. They also believe in eating 4 meals a day. I was pretty much in a constant food coma. Not to mention everything is free.

-Being in a college band and playing at a high school and elementary school. You could just tell they thought we were awesome. But oh my goodness, the elementary school was amazing. We were in a pretty poor section of Maryland, so you could tell some of the kids probably came from rough households, but they were so passionate about their instruments, even at 9. It was so nice to see and be able to play their music with them.

-I love snuggling. Like, a ridiculous amount. There was so much hugging on the trip.

-The fact I discovered someone I hadn't really talked to previously who adores Elton John and Billy Joel and the environment. New best friends? Probably. Haha.

-Sleeping 3 people to a king sized bed.

-Staying up late with the entire horn section in our room, talking about silly things, and making fun of Sally who fell asleep.

In short, tour was great and exhausting and I'll miss Wind Ensemble. Can't wait for next year. After we got home I immediately went to dinner with the marching band horn section, then straight to a KKPsi party. Which I have many stories to tell about. Maybe later. :)

I'm a brother.

I'm so ecstatic and I can't even explain how awesome this all is.

Excitement.

I passed my final interview. Tomorrow I become a brother. :)

One person didn't get in, but it was to be expected.

I'm totally with you on life being crazy right now. It seems like every second of every day is scheduled and I'm just trying to get through. Papers and tests and KKPsi hoops to jump through.

But in 4 short weeks I'll be done and I'll move out of 215 Courtenay, which I cannot comprehend. This is my home. This small room pretty much contains everything about me. The common room outside of my door is my social hub. I've bonded with 8 amazing girls who have become my family and it's imminent that we'll grow apart next year. I'll even miss the messiest roommate on the face of the planet. Hah. :)

There's no time to be sad though. I've just got to go go go.

This weekend was the KKPsi retreat, which blew my expectations. We just went to someone's basement in Chantilly, but it was wonderful.We did silly things like play kickball, ultimate frisbee, violent air hockey, and interpretive dance. We made the most delicious trail mix ever and watched 4 straight hours of Ninja Warrior. I am blessed to be involved with something so incredible. Though I am VERY ready for the pledge process to be over. I've been an MC (Membership candidate) for over 2 months, and I can't wait to just be a Brother. Of course, it's not guaranteed yet... I still have to pass my final interviews. Nerve-wracking.

That's about all the excitement in my life right now. Katlin's coming down for a night this weekend, which will be nice. :)

See you soon, lovely!

The good old song of wahoowah, we'll sing it ore and ore...

This is a sappy post in which I am going to gush and tell you how proud of you I am and how much I love my school and how you should most definitely come here. <3

SARAH CLEMENTS YOU GOT INTO UVA, which I've come to realize over the year, is a really big deal. They're ridiculously picky, and getting in means you can write a killer essay. :) ALSO you got into the college, which is the most competitive. ALSO ALSO, you got in from Northern Virginia. Basically, you're awesome. And I am super proud of yooooou!!

Reasons why UVA is awesome and you should come here:

1. The band. You'll find nothing closer to the Osbourn band atmosphere. Sure, now there are 300 people on the field and you don't know any ones name, but it has the same feel. People don't take themselves too seriously. The band directors are a weird triumvirate (i.e. Stevens, Sieloff, Newman) that make jokes and form bonds with people. The primary focus really is having fun and getting the crowd pumped. Playing a new show every game just becomes second habit, and nothing beats hearing the drumline tap off the pregame show and high stepping out to a crowd of thousands. :) I can't explain how great it is. Once you survive band camp, your life is sort of changed.

2. The pride. I was apathetic about college, but as soon as you step on grounds, you know you're somewhere special. It's hard to be apathetic when people care so much. The lawn is beautiful, Jefferson (TJ, as we like to call him here) is sort of our equivalent of Jesus, and I've never seen so much orange in my life. I used to think it was a horrid color, but not anymore. A good chorus of the Good Old Song has the capability of getting me teary.

3. Classes, I guess. They have everything. I thought I'd struggle through years of math and science to major in Environmental Science, but lo and behold, I found Environmental Thought and Practice. Now I'm on a pre-law school track. Funny how things work out. Oh, and I talked to my friend about linguistics. She loves it, though she wishes it was a larger major.

4. Developing a weird intense hatred for VT. It just happens. One day you don't mind them, and the next second you can't stand them. Especially when they beat us in football.

5. Sports. Sports bore me, but on the college level it's much more enjoyable. I regret that I haven't attended more. Football games are naturally amazing (except you should be warned- we stand for the entire time. It's "tradition"). I went to one basketball game, which was equally amazing. I recently went to a baseball game too, and it was great. The atmosphere is infectious.

6. Traditions. We're old. We have tons of them. The first one that comes to mind- streaking the lawn. No, I have not partaken in this particular tradition... yet. It's a must before 4th year though, and I'll probably give in. Haha. It's oddly common. One of my favorite hobbies is streaker watching. Go out and sit on the Rotunda stairs at midnight and watch people stumble around in the dark. The cops enjoy watching too. My school is so weird...

7. The food. No, not dining hall food. I've heard that Charlottesville holds 2nd place for the amount of places to eat per square foot, or something. Right behind New York City. It's believable when you walk the Corner or Downtown. There is so much good food. Bodo's Bagels is a staple. Little Johns. 3 dollar dumplings (maybe we'll get those when you come down!) Lemongrass, Basil, Mellow Mushroom, Christians... You never starve in Cville.

8. Charlottesville itself. What a wonderful city. :) Perfectly nestled in the middle of mountains.

9. Not having air conditioning in first year housing. Haha. Just kidding. That sucks.

Now I'm out of things to say, and I should have been studying anyways. Oops.

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOOOOU ON THE 19TH. <33

Promulgating things.

Once again, life is swell. I've had an awesome week (except for a 76% on that calc quiz. But that's a B in the college world, so I'll take it).

After I got the band leadership decisions I went to the Corner to meet my ASB group for dinner and trivia night at Mellow Mushroom! What a ridiculous, awesome, and completely nerdy time. I highly recommend it. And it was nice just being with my group again. :)

This past weekend can be summed up in two words- promulgating brotherhood. I guess that needs some explanation though. "Promulgating brotherhood" comes from the 3rd purpose of KKPSi

"To stimulate campus leadership and promulgate an uncompromising respect for the college band through the medium of the college band for gracious conduct, good taste, and unswerving loyalty"

Don't ask me to explain what that means. I just know that there are 5 purposes and we have to memorize all of them, along with a bunch of other information. It's a crap load, and for the week leading up to a quiz (like this weekend), you can find all the MC's muttering it all to themselves. That purpose was on the quiz this Saturday, so we were particularly obsessed with promulgating.

Anyways. Back to my weekend. Lets see.

Friday: I spent my afternoon in the music office organizing band programs and right afterwards carpooled over to Charlottesville High School to help organize music (we have to complete a certain amount of service a semester). That was all good and well, but the real fun started afterwards. The MCs got together, ate pizza, and played awkward yet hilarious bonding games for about 3 hours. That split up, but several of us were still hungry, so we went to the Corner to eat dumplings. We then decided that we had to go out partying that night. So we did. Pretty much my first time at legit parties too. We started our evening in someones apartment, watching drunk people play Mario Kart (hilarious), migrated to a frat where someone we knew was playing in the band, and migrated further to a big party in a band house. Such a crazy night. I ended up being the responsible one and taking care of some of friends, which I didn't mind. It was definitely a good time.

Around 3 I got home and went to sleep, only to wake up and half to get to the KKPsi 5 year anniversary (at UVA) picnic, where I ate delicious chicken and played more bonding games for several hours. Then, once again, several of us decided to go to the baseball game, where we sat in the mud because it was crowded, enjoyed the sun, and studied for our quiz. Then back to the Corner for dinner, and onto our lesson! Apparently we weren't tired of one another, because we all went back to someone's suite to watch Pulp Fiction (ridiculous movie) until well past midnight.

The next morning consisted of lunch with the MCs and then 2nd degree, which was... strange. Wish I could elaborate more, but alas, it is a secret. :) And, oddly enough, we wanted to be together more. Some people went to do much needed homework, but 5 of us headed to someones suite to watch more movies (Up and Jurassic Park!), but it ended up just being us asking one another questions.

And then the weekend was over! It was full of mass amounts of bonding and becoming close as friends and it was just lovely lovely. I can't wait to have a repeat.

I'll be a brother on April 25th!!

Counting Down Until Band Camp

I am very excited.

Yesterday at 6 the leadership list for the 2010 CMB season came out. To commemorate the event Sally and I were talking on g-chat and complaining about how the list was supposed to come out at 5. She already knew most of the information, so it was sort of just her waiting for me to find out.

I'm a DI. And I'm also a new employee at the band office.

AKSLDJAS:LKDJSA. BOTH POSITIONS I INTERVIEWED FOR. YES.

Out of the (roughly) 25 members of the mellophone section, 2 people are section leader, and 4 people are DIs. So I guess in the world of band hierarchy, DI is below section leader, which is below drum major. It's sort of a huge deal. :) I go early to band camp for leadership training and I get to yell at people for being wrong AND I get paid. Sweet deal.

There are about 10 or 15 people who work with the directors at the band office. Pease is the head director, Koch is the assistant director, and Idzior is... the assistant assistant director? Oddly enough, beside my name on the leadership list was "KOCH". I think I'm his personal assistant/secretary. I find this hilarious. Huzzah for more income!

My lovely Sally got section leader of the mellophones along with Shana Hoar (who is adorable and was section leader last year too). I'm so happy for her. :) She is wonderful and amazing and I'm going to be roommates with her next year!! We're going to totally run the horn section. All of the new leaders are my close friends, so band camp is literally going to be a nonstop party. I love it.

Love love love.

What I do not love is my calc test tonight. Ugh. Back to studying.

General Update

Don't be apathetic, Sarahtonin!

Well, actually, apathy is pretty normal for where you are, I feel. It's all just the general senioritis "existing is pointless right now" sort of mode. Don't go failing your classes now... Hopefully college acceptances will perk you up! I was already so determined on going to Wise, so my letters brought no enjoyment. Apathy continued until the final moment possible when I switched Wise to UVA, and suddenly the prospect of college became exciting. Best decision of my life. :) I heard UVA decisions are this Friday? Good luck! If they don't let you in, something is seriously wrong.

Soon your classes will wind down, soon they'll halt completely, and soon you'll be graduated! And I'll be there screaming! Can't wait. And if you have a graduation party I demand an invite.

Life for me is going pretty swell. I'm excited about a lot of things, which is a nice change from the constant sadness I was dealing with earlier. They say it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them, and if that's the case I still have over 4 months to go, but things are definitely easing up. There are college boys to concentrate on after all ;) Haha. Kidding. Sort of.

Anyways, life is good and exciting! KKPsi stuff continues. In the near future we have a retreat scheduled, and more degrees, and soon I'll be a real member! Then I can wear the letters and feel official. Woo hoo! Band leadership decisions come out this week as well. I tried out and interviewed for DI- drill instructor. Basically, I'd help assist people in the horn section with marching and work with other DI's to come up with dance routines and stuff. And word one the street is that I'll be happy with the decisions. Fingers crossed!


 Band's got me excited in general. I'm practically counting down the days until band camp.

Class is also going swimmingly. My writing class may be at 8 AM (you're probably scoffing, but this is literally hell in college life), but I adore my group and discussion is always good. Plus, the teacher always uses my papers as the example of what "good" writing is. Score. Oceanography is my favorite class, and I'm doing well. Philosophy is whatever, but I'm still doing well. Calculus is calculus. I'm doomed to be an average student forever.

I'm going out with my ASB group tomorrow. :) We're going to Mellow Mushoom, a delicious pizza place that also hosts Wednesday night trivia! I'm expecting it to be a blast. I miss everyone like crazycakes.

In a month and a half I will be done with my first year of college. I do not know how to feel about this.

How Emily Learned How to Go Days Without Showering or Brushing Her Hair. Spring break 2010.

I wrote about 20 pages about this all in my journal and told countless stories to countless people. Lets see if I can do it again.

SPRING BREAK WAS AWEEEESOME AND YOU SHOULD DO ASB. DO IT DO IT DO IT.

Saturday:

We left Friday (Saturday?) at midnight! Woo hoo for driving all night! It was a very long drive, but different from all other car trips in that I never once pulled out my iPod to listen to. It never occurred to me. The people around were too fun to talk to. Sure it was crowded, and sure it was impossible to sleep, but it was fun. At every gas station it was mandatory that we had a dance party, so needless to say we looked ridiculous a lot. :) We got to the camp at around 5 on Saturday only to discover that it was on fire. Legit plumes of smoke erupting from orange flames. But it was okay apparently, because they were doing ecological burning. The people at the front told us not to worry, because, even though the fires did get out of hand, our tents would be safe. Uh...

We drive into the camp to our destination- STOP CAMP. Short Term Offenders Program. We were staying at an abandoned site for juvenile delinquents. No one had been there since 2007, so it was pretty run down. Our job for the week was to fix it up!

We were in the middle of the woods (that resembled a jungle). The sky had an eerie orange glow. The sun was blocked by smoke. Naturally we decided that we could only be one of 3 places. 1. We had actually traveled to Jupiter. 2. We went back in time to the Vietnam War. 3. Jurassic Park.

The tents got pitched and rooming was decided. I stayed with the 4 other girls (who weren't site leaders) in the giant tent that we immediately declared to be "The Brothel".

And then we went to dinner at a bar and I proceeded to sleep my first ever night in a tent.

Sunday:

Sunday was our free day! We started off our day with canoeing on the Loxahatchee river! We all had team names and were competitive and it was awesome. I knew the river had alligators, but I didn't know I'd get as close as we actually did. Eventually the mangroves got so narrow that we had to go single file, and as we were beginning to turn a bend, the canoe in front of us yells, "TURN AROUND. TURN AROUND NOW." There was a huge gator blocking the way, feet away from their canoe. ...What. It was crazy and it was chaotic, but we managed to all canoe backwards and out- but by that time the gator had already gone into the water. Even more terrifying.

Not 10 minutes after this, something happens and one of the canoes tips. Into the water of territorial gators. But it was alright. Just a very anxious 10 or so minutes while they untipped the canoe.

We got to shore and did some other beachy things, ate dinner, and went to bed,

Monday:

Our first day of work! Bright and early we meet RANGER TOM. FROM MANASSAS. Small world. He quit his IBM job there to come to Florida and be a ranger.

ALSO another girl on my trip went to Osbourn, as we discovered when we both wore gym shorts. Carly Hudson. She's currently a third year. Know her? She was a chorus kid.

Anyways, our work that day consisted of tearing out exotic plant species.

So far this trip was really testing my position as an environmentalist. First they're doing burnings, which, while I understand the science, cannot fully form a position on the matter. Second, Tom told us how the park was full of wild pigs which they went out to shoot every day because they weren't native. Third, we were pulling up plants because they weren't "the real" Florida. Tricky tricky.

We finished our sweaty work around 4 and Lee, a native of the area whose sister went to UVA, came to show us around. We watched the sunset from the beach. Nice. Then we grilled kabobs that took forever, but it was worth it.

Tuesday:

For work I opted to help paint the bathroom. We basically got incredibly high on the fumes and ended up singing loudly along to Abba songs. Good time. Then we went to a turtle rehabilitation center, which was nifty! They were huge. We went back to camp and had a giant campfire and smores with the local Americorp guy, Pete, who had been living on the camp for 2 years.

Wednesday:

More pulling up plants for work, though we also got to pull out an old rotting porch! It was quite empowering to take a crowbar to everything. Most fun day of work. We then went to the local education center and colored pictures at the kid's table, and Pete showed us some snakes. Our evening activity was watching the sunset from the lighthouse. I hate heights, so it wasn't very fun, but it was fun to see the dozens of manatees swim from the inlet to the ocean. :)

Thursday:
We had exceeded Tom's expectations. He literally had no more work for us to do, so he told us to clean up some areas again and then we'd be done. We finished up and all showered in preparation for the UVA family dinner in West Palm Beach! Also, there were a bunch of tornado watches and it started to torrential downpour, so Tom told us to move into the cabins on the campsite. We were all confused as to why we weren't in the cabins to begin with, but whatevs. The dinner was an hour away, but my God was it worth it. It was in a gated community, and it was legit a mansion. A MANSION. With large, wooden engraved doors, and paintings all over the walls, and a bartender who had every drink in the universe and could find you anywhere in the house and refill your drink. Waiters carrying trains of hor d'oeuvres that included mini pizzas made with goat cheese. I cannot imagine living that extravagantly. It was ridiculous. Dinner was delicious and conversation was good. It was definitely an experience. We were just lucky to be showered and wearing clean t-shirts. None of us were prepared for what we encountered. Wow.

Then we went to downtown Palm Beach to a restaurant/bar called B.B.Kings that had a live band. So of course the smelly group of college kids had to be crazy on the dance floor. :) But EVERYONE loved us. They all wanted to come dance in our circle!! One lady in particular danced with us each individually, telling us if we "had it".

"OH YEAH. YOU GOT IT."

That become the go-to phrase of the trip.

And it was still pouring when we left, so we embraced it. A couple of people even jumped in the fountain. Now we were smelly and soggy college kids.

Friday:

Since work was done we had another free day! First we went to a river education center, which was neat. It was done really well, plus it was feeding time so we enjoyed watching the fish eat. A week without phones and internet really allows you to find alternate forms of entertainment. Haha. Then we went to a wildlife education center, and I got to hold a giant cockroach and a snake. I fell in love with the snake. It was so sweet, and it's little tail would curl around your wrist. Aw. Then we went to a children's science museum and had way too much fun doing silly activities. There was also a wall of brain teasers none of us could figure out, but 5 year olds kept successfully doing. Embarrassing. Our night activity was a night walk at yet another wildlife center. Too bad it was still too wet to actually go on the trails, so they just showed us the animals they had in captivity. Owls and cougars and bears! The bears were docile and sweet and I just wanted to jump in with them. Then we had smores again.

Back at the campsite everyone came into the brothel cabin to tell stories and be emotional. I love my group.

Saturday:

We woke up at 5:30 and were on the road by 7. Back in Charlottesville by midnight. As soon as I got back I began having withdrawal. And also my roommate and her boyfriend were in the room. Welcome back to UVA...

I got home around 11 last night. I didn't know one week could be such a moving experience. I'll do a more indepth blog after I write in my real journal.

I miss Jupiter Island.

Jupiter Island, here I come. :)

ALMOST HERE.

SPRING BREAK IS ALMOST HERE. 2 more days. 2 more days.

Naturally, since there is a lovely break coming up, the week prior is required to suck. I guess I don't have TOO much to complain about. There isn't a set "midterm" time, so professors can do whatever they want. I ended up only having one midterm and one paper this week, along with tons of other random things to do. Unfortunately, I have tons of tests and things the week after spring break too. When the heck do I have time to study? I won't even have time to shower!

But I wrote myself out a detailed schedule on Monday and I've been sticking to it. My midterm is out of the way, and now I only have to concentrate on my paper. 6 pages on the Puritans and how they impacted foreign policy today. Gag me. But that's due Friday, so I have tons of time to do other important things- such as play tetris.

2 days until Florida. :) At 9 PM on Friday night my site leaders will pick us all up and we'll go to their apartment and have a party. The party will include a Planet Earth viewing and pajamas. I sort of cannot wait. Then we'll load up the cars and get some sleep, only to wake up and set out at 3 in the morning. Again, gag me. But we have to get to camp before the sun goes down so we can pitch our tents and such. Then my awesome, super, spectacular spring break in Jupiter Island will begin. :) We'll wake up early every day and work until around 3, and then we'll do some fun activities- such as hiking, kayaking, going to wildlife rehabilitation centers. AHH. I'm geeking out. Sadly, our camp is quite a ways away from the showering area... I am so not conditioned for this. I'm used to showering every morning. EVERY SINGLE MORNING.

Here goes expanding my horizons!

Life is good. :)

Now as for the Puritans and foreign policy...

Yes, tetris.

I've become addicted, though I think the worst of the storm has passed. I've never really played it until this month. I was never really interested. But a couple weeks ago my suitemates all started playing tetris together (and by together I mean they sat without talking playing on their individual laptops). I tried playing, but I died miserably on level one. Currently my record is 207 lines, which is pretty fantastic, if I do say so myself. :)

But now it's not as fun, as I guess my addiction is over.

I have to learn the Greek alphabet for KKPsi. I have a nifty song to remember them. I wish I could convey the wonder of this song through a blog post, but instead I'll just write them out in caps lock to prove that I know something.

ALPHA BETA GAMMA DELTA EPSILON ZETA ETA THETA IOTA KAPPA LAMBDA NU MU XI OMICRON PI RHO SIGMA TAU UPSILON PHI CHI PSI AND OMEGA TOO.

I'm becoming educated here at college, obviously.

This weekend should be lots of fun. :) My family is coming down on Saturday since I won't see them over break, so naturally I'll make them take me grocery shopping and out to lunch. I think we'll hit up my favorite Mediterranean restaurant for some GYROS.

Oh yes. Did I mention that place delivers to dorms, so one can enjoy delicious, moist gyros whenever they desire. Another reason why Sarah should attend UVA.

Then that night I'm attending a quintet concert with some other KKPsi MC's. We have to go to one music event a semester, so we're getting it out of the way early. Should be enjoyable. :)

Sunday I'm eating delicious bagels with JEFF HOUSE, and the rest of the day will be dedicated to studying for midterms.

Life is thrilling. :D

Time to go sing the Greek letters to myself some more.

Hmmm. What to write about.

I had first degree of KKPsi on sunday! I don't know if I said it already, but there are 3 degrees before we're initiated in April! I'd discuss this in greater depth, but I can't. It's a secret. :) But now we're in the blah part of
being a membership candidate. We have to go to lessons and take quizzes and grossness. We also have a task book, to be completed by initiation, that has a million and two things to do. That's an exaggeration. Mostly we just have to contact a bunch of brothers, meet with them, and talk about what brotherhood means to us. It's stressful.

Fun fact! The CNU chapter of KKPsi got suspended for branding. Ew.

School's going dandy! I got a B on my math exam, so all is well! Spring break is quickly approaching!! I ordered hiking boots and my parents are coming down this weekend with a sleeping bag, and I'll be good to go! I can't believe it's so close. Less than two weeks away! I expect to have lots of stories when I return.

Another fun fact! The dining hall had fried doughnuts with ice cream today for dinner. I could not resist.

Time to go play tetris.

I'M A TEACHER.

I want to answer the questions here. I makes me feel more important.

THE FIRST ONE IS NOT A QUESTION. I AM CONFUSED. But here goes!

2. I think optimism is something I developed in high school. Middle school and optimism just do not go hand in hand, but I was on the worse side of pessimism. I had two close friends throughout the time, and even they were started to get annoyed with me. So I just decided to start smiling. I know I personally liked being around happy people more, but I never made the connection that other people felt the same way. From then on the happy, bubbly person is just who I became and I've never looked back. I have no idea when I started caring about my appearance. I've been freaking out about how my hair looks for way too long.

3. I don't know if it ties into optimism or appearance, but Mr. Johnson was definitely the most influential teacher in my life. He made me feel included in the band and wouldn't let me quit. He pushed me out of my shell and into the drum major position and molded me into a leader. Thanks to him, I was a part of a group that I really felt like I belonged in and I became more outgoing. My love of high school band led me to do college band, and now I can't imagine life without it.

4. My memories of graduation are all a blur- and an anticlimactic blur at that. I walked across the stage, got my diploma, and found my family- all without coming close to shedding any tears. I wish it was more memorable, but I just never really liked my class as a whole. I saw myself as just another graduating senior, leaving no lasting marks on anything outside of the band room. I had just recently decided to attend UVA, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I felt nervous and unsure- like I was leaving my comfort zone of Manassas. That was a time of doubting myself. All I knew was that UVA would be tough and I was about to see if I could survive.

My views have certainly changed since then. I am no longer unsure. I belong at UVA and I love it here. I feel privileged to call myself a Cavalier. The transition from a high school band of 40 to a college band of 300 could not have been easier, and it really gave me a group of people I could form bonds with early on. I'm the quirky Harry Potter fanatic- a name I proudly hold. But of course I'm still searching for myself. First year is a time of trying to figure out who you want to become friends with, how you want to spend your time, and most importantly, what you want to major in. College gives you the independence necessary to think for yourself, and Charlottesville is definitely a prime location for some good soul-searching.


DO I NEED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE? DO I NEED TO MAKE IT BETTER?

JEFF HOUSE.

Today was good. :)

So I got an email at 2 this morning telling me that I needed to be

"People go here to work out and sweat
And if you jump in
You will get wet."

at 4 that afternoon.

So, obviously, as a UVA student I know the only gym with a pool is the AFC. I assumed all of the 1st year class got this message, but nope, there were only 4 of us. We all get to the AFC and stand in a nervous little huddle wondering what's going on. The older brothers are pretty much terrifying. They've been known to watch the MCs (membership candidates, which is us) from security cameras and stuff. But then we find another clue, and before we know it, we're on a scavenger hunt. :)

The first clue said something along the lines of "people study brains and genes here, there are rats" (but it rhymed of course), which we decided had to be the psychology building, because that's where all the labs are. We go in a back door and proceed to wander every single freaking floor trying to find the labs and the libraries and the rats. 45 minutes later we give in and check the main lobby, and the clue is on the front door. Eff. Haha. That tells us to go to somewhere that sells burgers to kids late at night and is in the basement, which we knew would be the cafeteria in the basement of Bonnycastle (a dorm!).

Too bad the cafe was closed, and we scoured the entire outside and couldn't find anything. Luckily, we had a number to call if we got stuck, and we were informed that the clue would have been obvious, so it was probably just gone. They told us what it was, and we found the next one, and the next one, and the next one.

We ended our journey at the giant statue of Thomas Jefferson, where our last clue was waiting. If you put together bolded letters from every clue the phrase Jeff House formed. The 4 of us are the newest members of said house. :)

To explain that I can only think of one analogy. KKPsi is Hogwarts. There were 4 founders of the UVA chapter. Each founder created his own house, having something to do with UVA. Jeff house is Jefferson! Others include Homer house (because of our Homer statue), Ionic (because of our columns) and Astro (because of our observatory? I don't know.)

The scavenger hunt was thrilling and exciting and I bonded with my fellow brothers. I already had guessed I'd be in Jeff because Dever is, and we go into whatever house our big is in.

This Sunday is another big day! It's 1st degree- which basically is the first ritual before we get initiated in 2 months. There are 3 degrees I think. Can't wait.

Sarah. You need to rush Kappa Kappa Psi wherever you end up.

Just had my first calc exam. >=[ bah bah bah. I hate math. It wasn't like the practice exams.

But on the plus side the rest of today was AWESOME. I got an A on my first english paper and he used it as the example for a well written argument in class. Then I went to oceanography (which I had my first test in on tuesday), and found out I did way above average and got a high A (which happened to be an 88. College curves are so weird).

So the good outweighs the bad I suppose!

Mystery solved.

I have figured out who my big is. :)

The Ups class (That's the group of first year's that just got into KKPsi- the Upsilon class! Pronounced "Oops-silon, so we're now called the "Ups babies") has an email thread going on, helping one another with clues. Someone recognized my christmas rap as a song by Run DMC.

DMC also happens to be the initials of one Dever Marie Carney- an instate, psychology major. YES. She's awesome, and I'm super excited. :))

Big Brother

This week in KKPsi is devoted to finding out who my mystery "big brother" (because it's a frat, we're all brothers) is. They leave us clues, and I guess the reveal is this weekend!

Last weekend I got an email from a gmail account entitled "EMILYSKKPBROTHER" demanding my schedule, which I gave.

The next day I was leaving my philosophy class in Minor Hall, and just as I was about to exit the building I see an envelope taped to the wall that says "EMILY GRAHAM" on it. Totally creepy. The back said, "There's nothing minor about these clues (get in, because i'm in Minor Hall)", and inside was 2 puzzles and one word puzzle. I figured out the word puzzle, which was my first clue- my big brother is an instate student. Well, big whoop, so are most people. One of the regular puzzles was of a brain, and the other of a man, which I immediately recognized to be Sigmund Freud. Since there was nothing MINOR about the clues, I came to the safe conclusion that my big is a psych major. :)

Later that night I get another email, which contains a song. Or, more specifically, a rap. A rap about Christmas.

Wtf, big brother.

I think I successfully have narrowed down the instate psych majors. One of them is a drum major who likes rap music and is super cool- so it'd be awesome if it were her. :) Another is Christine, an older horn member. Christine and Christmas just seem to fit. But then there's also a Christina, so I'm still lost.

Can't wait to get my next clue!

Valentines Day

Here we are. Valentines Day. The biggest slap in the face.

You'd think I'd be over this by now. It's been 20 days after all. Happy not one year.

:)

I got a bid to Kappa Kappa Psi.

The rushees were informed to stay in their rooms from 10 last night to 12 this morning, so most of last night was spent pathetically waiting. Eventually I went to bed, sort of sad and doubting myself, but at 7:00 in the morning I got a call from a restricted number.

I picked up and it was one of the drum majors who promptly screamed, "EMILY GRAHAM. YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO BE OUTSIDE OF YOUR DORM."

So I run outside, and the entirety of KKPsi is outside screaming my name. I get down, and they begin chanting something along the lines of "KKKK PSI. KKKK PSI. KAPPA KAPPA PSIIIII". It was horrifying and amazing and I was so groggy from being woken up. I got a rose and a formal invitation card and then I went back to sleep. Haha.

I submit my acceptance, so I am now officially an MC (membership candidate). So I'm not IN yet, but I basically am.

Tonight I have to meet at the rotunda at midnight. It sound secretive and amazing and I'm so excited. :)

Life is pretty swell. Some days are harder than other, naturally.

While you've been sitting at home all week I've been hiking across the ice and snow. Today I completely wiped out. Embarrassing. Plus my boots broke right before the big storm hit, so I've been just dealing with soggy feet. But I ordered some new, more hardcore boots, so all is well with the world.

Tonight is the last rush event for Kappa Kappa Psi. We're doing a speed dating type thing, where rushees go from member to member getting interrogated. I am not excited. I think I've been doing well, so fingers crossed for bid day this Saturday.

And my new friendship continues. :) I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me ecstatic.

I need to buy groceries.

Sometimes life surprises you

Like when you accidentally butt dial someone you haven't spoken to in 4 years, someone who happens to be your 8th grade "boyfriend", your first kiss, and then suddenly you're eagerly texting him all night.

I have absolutely no intentions behind it, but it's still refreshing seeing someone new pop up on my cell phone screen. But now it's a new day, and if he doesn't text me, our relations are over, which I expect they will be.

Life is funny.

Coming out of the closet

My brother is currently subbing a class that includes David Jung and Christian Watkins. I do not know how I feel about this.

But that's not the point of this entry.

Today in a discussion for my writing class I came out of the closet. As the crazy tree-hugger of the group.

For class we read an urban planning article about an idea called a, "zoopolis", in which wild animals co-exist with humans. I didn't agree with the final conclusion, as you don't need to live with lions to be able to appreciate them, but the arguments were truly compelling. For me, at least. It discussed the boundary humans establish between animals and themselves, believing animals to be free of feeling and comprehension, bringing up the persuasive fact that white people used to think the same about black people. The gist was that people need to open their eyes and realize the destructive elements of city-building. Either we make room for the animals, or we accept them into our cities.

Obviously I didn't expect anyone in my class to be for the "zoopolis", but I didn't expect the reaction that it did receive, ranging from, "Humans are the superior species by nature", to, "I think it's justified to kill animals who wander into our towns".

So I came out blazing. The superiority argument is arrogant. We're the reason why the animals are forced into our cities, because we're destroying their habitat. Urban planning needs to account for the fact we are not the only sentient beings in the world. I'm the one studying environmental science. I'm the one who knows the impact humans have had on the world.

But apparently the majority of my class is very right-wing. It was a very interesting discussion, and I'm proud of my stance. I hope the next discussion can be about global warming. I'll smoke them with my evidence.

In a rush.

I'm currently going through the rush process.

Before you pin me as a typical sorority girl, let me clarify that I am rushing the co-ed band fraternity- Kappa Kappa Psi. I want to be a part of an organization, and I want to be able to sport letters, but I wasn't about to plan my "snappy casual" outfits and go flaunt myself in front of girls I don't even like, hoping they'll ask me back.

KKP is different. Our rush events include such things as addressing envelopes to band directors (I made sure I got to address the one going to Osbourn), eating ice cream, and decorating Valentines for the nursing home. As a member of KKP, duties include helping to set up band camp, making sandwiches for football games, and just in general being excited to be a member of the CMB.

Bid day, when they decide if they want to offer you membership, is in a week or so, and I really hope I make it. Even if it is weird that I would be a part of the "brotherhood". No sisters for me. Everyone would be my brother.

I have my fingers crossed. :)

On an unrelated note, some suitemates and I just watched The Lovely Bones online illegally. I know it's not considered a scary movie, but it just reinforced the fact that I can never ever watch a movie with any aspect of fear. I was hyperventilating and screaming and it was just unpleasant for those around me. Haha. They love me though. But the movie was AMAZING. I love the book, and the movie did it complete justice. They added things that made it better, and they followed it perfectly. It was the most beautiful movie I have ever seen, and they did the tension aspect wonderfully. I definitely recommend it.

I love omegle.

You: Tell me some of your interests!

Stranger: TALKING TO STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET INTERESTS ME GREATLY

You: WHOAH NO WAY. ME TOO.

Stranger: ITS QUITE AWESOME

You: What do you enjoy about it in particular?

Stranger: THE STRANGE ASPECT

You: I enjoy the aspect of pretending to be a wizard.

Stranger: I ALSO ENJOY THIS. i cast a level 63 conjuring spell on you

You: What are you conjuring, exactly?

Stranger: many, many televisions. they will fall on you

You: Well I just cast a shield charm.

Stranger: i dont know how to beat that. you win

People are mean to me. :(

You: TELL ME SOME OF YOUR INTERESTS.

Stranger: i like sex chat

You: I like fictional stories about boy wizards!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

You: TELL ME SOME OF YOUR INTERESTS.

Stranger: drugs

You: I like unicorns, myself.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

At least it's not the Jonas Brothers.

I have a confession...

I've been listening to Hilary Duff this week. A lot. Is not that most embarrassing music you could possibly have on an iPod?

I found my old CD that someone gave me for Christmas one year. I hated it at the time. As an awkward pre-teen, I was very much on the side of Avril Lavigne (again, embarrassing).

So, what the hey, I uploaded it on my iPod. I never expected this to happen. I have a problem.

My reasoning is that this week I've been scared to listen to my iPod on shuffle while I walk to class. What if a sad song comes on? Worse yet, what if one of our songs comes on? Keeping Hilary on ensures that I will have bubbly pop and stupid lyrics to keep me entertained and successfully deliver the message of girl power.

"If it's over, let it go and
Come tomorrow it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
I'm just a bird that's already flown away.

Laugh it off let it go and
When you wake up it will seem
So yesterday, so yesterday
Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay."

What's one of your guilty pleasures? Besides the obvious. Playing WOW and breeding virtual horses... You can't even judge me for listening to Hilary Duff. :)

Mix of information

I'm doing better. Yesterday I even wore makeup and a dress! Progress!

Seriously, things are looking up. :) Though we're pretty bad at being broken up, considering we talk all the time. I just consider it as weening off the relationship. Is that a mistake that will possibly be more painful in the future? Probably.

It made it very official when I had to put on my claddaugh in the opposite way than I had worn it all year. Now I have the awkward urge to sing, "Single Ladies". As my friend Kyla put it, "EMILY, NOW YOU CAN BE A HO IF YOU WANTED TO".

Indeed.

Now for topics that aren't icky boys!

I went to my first ENWR yesterday (mandatory writing class for 1st years) entitled Utopias and Dystopias. I think you'll appreciate the fact that we watched... WALL-E. We analyzed it for it's aspects of consumerism and environmentalism and such, and it was really interesting. My group was concentrating on WALL-E as a product and if the movie was helping it's cause more than hurting it- and we agreed that yes, although the movie has a nice message, it was simply made out of the demand from the environmental movement, and in the long run, Pixar is only a large cooperation seeking income and producing junk (like toys and advertisements for the movie). I think I'll really like that class. :)

Today I have my first calc quiz. Blah.

Last time I hung out with Randall I dropped my phone onto a nice soft blanket on a nice soft rug, and it broke. Gradually the right hinge has been coming off, until recently my phone started just dangling on one side. Oops. So last week I called and filed an insurance claim. How grown up of me. Yesterday my new EnV 2 got delivered and I spent hours transferring all my contacts by hand. But it was worth it, because now I have a crisp and snappy new phone. Happy days.

I have ordered all my textbooks, but not have arrived. Hate.

Today I am going to go downtown with my suitemates to eat cheap dumpings (which are delicious) and go see our other suitemate, Deandra's, play! Today will be good. :)

New beginnings. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

As facebook told you, Christian and I are no longer together. It's a decision I've been struggling with from the very beginning of our relationship, and I guess it reached it's boiling point.

It's always been hard being long distance. When you need the person most, you have to settle for a phone call. Being away harbors all sorts of negative thoughts and outlooks, but then, when you're together again, all of those thoughts vanish and you're unexceptionably happy. It's a viscious cycle, and I'm surprised we've lasted and stayed as strong as we have. Most people give up around Thanksgiving (unofficially called the "Turkey dump" because you go home and realize what's holding you back), but we made it further.

It was a surprise that it happened yesterday. Nothing I could have predicted when I woke up in the morning. I had been off, and I hadn't been being a good girlfriend. My thoughts were elsewhere: negative, like usual. I had come to the conclusion that we would need to break up, because, as my roommate stated, "There are only two ends to a relationship: you break up, or you get married", which put a realistic spin on my situation. If I knew it wouldn't last, why was I wasting my time with a long distance relationship during my first year of college? It would only get more messy and more painful, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to end our relationship on amicable terms. Plus, breaking up with someone during their midterms would be a bitch move.

But it happened. He called me, demanding me tell him what was up, and I eventually told him. I'd say it was mutual, but it never would have happened if I hadn't brought it up. Though I suppose it's good, because he admitted he'd had some similar realizations. So after two confusing and emotional hours of our situation and options, we decided it would be best to break up. It wasn't painful and we ended our phone conversation laughing, promising that we would still talk regularly because, quite honestly, we're the only people who really know one another fully. We've been best friends, and neither of us are ready to give that up- hence our matching statuses. We didn't want mass comments asking what was wrong.

It's been hard. More hard than I ever thought it would be, but I think it's for the better. I hope it's for the better. I still can't comprehend it fully, and I can't think about it in public for risk of falling apart again.

Like, for instance, tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of our first date alone together. He came over to my house after school the day it snowed and they wouldn't let us drive home. Ms. Roof drove us, and we sat on the couch awkwardly through a movie. Not to mention Valentines Day is right around the corner- our official one-year anniversary. I wanted so badly to make it to one year. I had every confidence that we would, and now I'll spend the day miserable instead...

But now I'm just moping. It's hard, but it'll all be okay. Our relationship was good and good and good and it means more to me than anything in the world. I'm so glad I could experience something as wonderful as him. Everything happens for a reason.

At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

It's done...

Sometimes decisions are very difficult.

Band banquet and grilled cheese.

I just got back from selling grilled cheese, very illegally, to drunk people on the Corner for $3 each. Before you judge me and me new life of crime, it was a fundraiser for my spring break trip. It was tons of fun, minus the fact it was freezing, and the only boy left so we had no idea how to change the charcoal on the grill and almost burnt down UVA and got told we would get, "a shit ton fine if a cop came by". Fun times. Though in our defense people sell grilled cheese all the time and a cop DID walk by, but he only waved. I'm glad I went, and I'm glad I agreed to go on the trip. I really like the people in my group, even if I am the baby as the only first year. I cannot wait.

Last night was band banquet, which was fun. Imagine our band banquet, but a million times fancier, and a million times longer. It was in a hotel ballroom and the dress was prom gowns and tuxes. We ate a delicious, and also fancy dinner, and sat through award after award after award. Every single person got something, so we sat through listing everyones names (like graduation). First years got a UVA letter, so I can now say I lettered... in college? What's the point of that? 2nd years got a mug, 3rd years a blanket, and 4th years a framed portrait of the band. Cute.

Not only did every person get something, but the 4th years each got a speech about them by the director. All 50 4th years got a speech. So long. So so so long.

But it was a lot of fun, and I can clearly picture myself in 3 years sitting at the table crying my eyes out as I watch the emotional slideshows. "You'll be a wahoo forever, hooray." :)

So there is an update into my life.

Oh, and relationships suck. Hard. More on that later. Maybe.

2nd semester begins!

I like school. School is cool. School rules, but only when it's not calculus...

I had to do a lot of switching around in my schedule, but today I shall write about the classes that I am officially in as of now!

PHIL 1740- Issues of Life and Death: This class seems like it'll be really thought-provoking and amazing. On the first day of lecture, the professor used examples of controversial death topics that we'd be looking into, such as a baby born without a brain that could still breath. Should doctors take it's body organs if it is still, in a technical sense, alive? And siamese twins, that will both certainly die if they remain together. Should doctors seperate the twins, so one will live, but the other will die? I'm excited. :)

MATH 1210- Applied Calculus 1: This is the easiest math UVA offers. Just what I need. But I think it's still going to kick my butt. Bahaha. We're doing pre-calc review right now, and IT'S kicking my butt. I hate math. Grumble grumble.

ENWR 1510- Utopias and Dystopias: I can't tell you anything about this course, because I haven't attended it. I switched into it from my previous writing class, "Modern Love and Union", which was boring. I only know that we're reading Brave New World and 1984. And the class meets at 8 AM. Ugh.

EVSC 2050- Oceanography: I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CLASS. The teacher is amazing and so skilled in his area and just a genius. His introduction presentation was amazing and had me sitting on the edge of my seat for the entire class. I cannot wait to start getting into topics. Ahhhh. AND, the professor mentioned this other class he helped with regarding environmental science, and I got so jazzed, that I immediately flipped my entire schedule so I could enroll...

EVSC 4502- Undergrad Seminar in Environmental Science: I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CLASS. TOO. Each week there's a different topic and a different speaker or film we watch. Plus the student work is light. I'm pumped. :)

And of course, I'm in Wind Ensemble. We are playing RIDICULOUSLY HARD music, and I will fail. That is all.

Home.

I'm back at UVA. I'm home. Goodness I love this place.

Yesterday my mom cooked a delicious Southern breakfast and Christian came over. But instead of sad goodbyes I made him carry my stuff to the car. I have priorities. Then I got to Courtenay around 3.

Unpacking was pretty horrible. Not as bad as move in day, but on move in day I didn't have my roommates suitcases and clothes coating the entire floor. Haha. But even that was a welcome sign. I walked in, saw it, and thought to myself, "Oh that roommate." I brought some board games and such, so the first thing my suite mates want to do after I unpack- A PUZZLE. WE ARE LOSERS.

And somehow my entire suite coordinated via text message to get tickets for the basketball game that night, so at 6 we all wore matching orange t-shirts (except Elizabeth, who didn't like hers) and went to the stadium. It was SO MUCH FUN. I had just assumed I hated basketball from previous experience, but Osbourn basketball is not the same as UVA basketball. It was thrilling. Better yet, we won! And in the last 2 seconds on top of everything! Wonderful time.

Then we told stories in a Chinese restaurant, got take out, and went back to Courtenay, where we ate and told more stories. Obviously, after dinner it was time for a board game, so we played the most competitive and nasty game of Life that I have ever experienced. People were trading babies and handing bribes all over the place (I probably shouldn't mention that I was the one taking babies and handing out money). I got the good salary, but not the highest salary, so no one would try to take mine and I was just rich throughout the game. Sadly I kept handing out 100,000 donations, so I lost, BUT everyone said I won in the long run, because I was a nice person and I got to go to heaven.

LOVEZ MY SUITE.