Today is a good day.

I got to sleep before 4. Jacob called me to wake me up at 9:30 (best alarm clock ever). I am eating delicious Key Lime Pie yogurt that is only 100 calories.

Yesterday I drove to Charlottesville with my dad to prove that I could without dying. Now I'm definitely allowed to drive down alone in the middle of July to have a date with a certain boy.

I like it when life goes my way.

My posts never have structure

You're in Charlottesville, and I'm jealous. I know it's overwhelming and I know you probably wanna crawl into a hole and die. Been there, done that. Hold on and update me as soon as possible.

I have nothing of actual importance to write about. My problems are very trivial. Let me tell you about them.

I wanna change my hair. Tell me what to do, Sarah. I haven't let it assume it's natural state in like 4 years, and it's recently started rebelling against me. The plan for the moment is to stop torturing it before it all falls out and let it go straight again. That'll probably change the second winter hits and the static hair from hell returns. We'll see.

I think I like sports. I had a million heart attacks watching the USA v. Ghana game.

I feel like my entire wardrobe is currently consisted of orange t-shirts. I want to go shopping.

My birthday is a little over a month away. It's on a Tuesday, so I'll probably spend it home alone. I don't like birthdays. I thought last year's was going to be good. Christian and I spent the best day together and you, Randall, and Kat came over and it was fun. Then the biggest fight in the history of my household erupted and I ended up locked in my room without a computer and phone for like a week. Boo birthdays. Boo 19 especially. Could an age be more pointless? Weird to think I'm almost not a teenager.

Katlin broke her arm skateboarding. Wtf. Katlin skateboards? News to me. Oh well. Means she isn't able to work at Bath and Body for awhile, so I won't have to deal with running into her. Sounds good to me.

I love my new purse. Too bad it doesn't match with my plethora of orange t-shirts.

I'm out of razors and I need to shave. But I know I'm not about to complain about leg hair, so I'll keep quiet.

I miss Jacob every second of every day.

The horns are planning a day at Busch Gardens, but I don't have a ride down, so I think I'm going to have to opt out. Luckily KKPsi is having a Kings Dominion day in August

But now I'm just whining for the sake of whining.

Love you, gurl. Hope your toenail is growing back nicely.

Tata Jesus is bangala!

Ever get the urge to just write? That's me at this instant.

I don't know if you're aware that I've kept an actual journal religiously throughout high school, but I have. I should be writing in that right now, since I haven't since June 9th. But I don't want to. Because that entry will have to be serious and sad. I'm tired of being sad. I want to be happy, dammit. Isn't that the point of summer? Why would I exchange relaxation for stress?

Oh right, because Manassas sucks. *negative*

I just finished rereading Poisonwood Bible. I'm pretty sure that it's my favorite book of all time. I find myself stopping every page to think about the symbolism and how everything ties together. Kaminsky taught me well.

"To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know."

Now I need to find another book to occupy my time. Maybe I'll reread A Thousand Splendid Suns, which may be my second favorite. Apparently I like stories of women in peril... Or maybe I'll read Harry Potter, because sometimes you just need that sort of friend: the one who's always been there.

I can't wait to see Toy Story with you tomorrow. :)

I hope pre-camp goes alright. I don't know anything much about the drum line director. Fingers crossed.

Blogging is fun. I like it. Now onto the real journal...

Letting go. Moving on.

Some things just seem impossible to let go of.

I think I'm correct in saying that my friendship with Katlin has finally met it's demise. Writing that's hard. It makes it feel more concrete.We've been through a lot in the past couple of years. I've been clinging to the last strand of our friendship with everything I had, but a girl can only go through so much heartbreak. That's the only way I can describe this. I'm heartbroken- 10 times harder then anything I had to go through with Christian, which is saying something. But we've been through so much shit these past years that I feel numb to it now. I probably lost my best friend a lot earlier then I'd like to realize.

It started with a boyfriend, it escalated to one-sided neglect. Along came another boyfriend, and the neglect became mutual. Things exploded when I backed out of vacation plans last summer. That was my fault. An awkward few months of small talk and anger. An uncomfortable lunch date over winter break. I thought things were perfect again when she came down to spend the weekend with me. We told girly secrets, ate too much food, and fell asleep in close proximity- just like old times. By summer I was positive we were on the mend. Definite plans to go to Florida. Harry Potter World was our thing. We'd been planning that trip since we first learned about the park so many years ago. Then she asks me if her other friend can come, too. A friend she knows I don't get along with. The friend she knows I see as competition, no matter how hard I try not too. I try giving honesty a shot, and say no, I'd rather her friend didn't go. She gets mad, and suddenly the trip is canceled and I'm left confused. Turns out she had already invited the friend. Her mom didn't want drama and nixed the road trip. I was pinned as the bad guy. I was set up. dammit, and I'm not okay with that. I've never been so angry. I'm done.

I've been holding on. I've been holding on so tightly, but if it's mutual then I'm letting go. It's silly to cling to someone because of our past relationship. We're not the same people. She's not the girl I met in 6th grade and consequently spent every waking moment with for 7 years. The only person that's in every memory from my teenage years. Katlin IS my adolescence, as cheesy as that sounds. I thought she was the only friend I'd ever need. I didn't get close with anyone else. I didn't need to. I feel lost now. Completely alone. She was my other half and, though it's been a long time in coming, that's finally been ripped from me.

I've acted like it doesn't bother me. Trying to be strong. Trying to remember that I have UVA and everyone there and think of Manassas only as the place I'm stuck in for now. But I still end up sobbing every night when I think about it all. Typing this is making me shake.

Not much else to say. I'm sad, tired of spending every day alone, and ready to get back to school. 54 days.

Not obsessed. Huff. :)

Maybe infatuated.

Ugh

Long distance is rough. Missing him so much it's painful.

It'll get easier once he gets back from vacation, at least...

IMMA WRITE A POST

The air conditioning broke a couple days ago. Jacob went on vacation and probably won't have phone service. Life is rough.

Just kidding. Life is still good. :)

The job has been fun, yet stressful. The cash register terrifies me and the backroom is an abominable force to be reckoned with, but I'm surviving. Yay money!!

YOU GRADUATE SOON, SARAH CLEMENTS. YOU GOT THE SOUSA AWARD, SARAH CLEMENTS. YOU'RE GOING TO UVA, SARAH CLEMENTS. Do you know how freaking proud of you I am? You used to be some shy, pit girl I made nerdy jokes with, and you've become this awesomely successful, outgoing, and beautiful GIRL (As if you weren't a girl before, or something). So so so so so proud of you. Glad you're in my life <3 Be friends forever plz?

I found a bikini I like!!!! I got a job!!!! I get to see Jacob in July!!!!

So basically, life is good.